When one walks the path of clergy, one walks the path of service. Accepting that path can often be a very difficult thing. Surrendering to it, even harder. I have spent the past year with the knowledge that, regardless of what I want, my Gods want me to walk the path of clergy. When I think about that life, I think of Papa Terry's famous words, "I did not sign up for this shit!"
I still fight with this knowledge. I know that I could stop and turn around and go the other way. I know that I could stop and throw my hands up in the air. I also know that if I did that, my Gods would gleefully drag me by my hair over the rocks and through the brambles of life. Why? Firstly, because they are like that when I don't listen. Secondly, because I'd deserve it for not listening. So, while I didn't ask for a life of service, I do my best to live the one I have.
The thing is, a life of service is different than a life of servitude. That is where I was wrong about this path. That is what I was resisting. This realization hit me today. I surrendered a long, long time ago to a life of service. This life of service spills into my mundane life regularly and I didn't understand why until today. All of my life, people have come to me to 'fix' things. People looked to me to lead them in whatever we happened to be doing. They looked to me for reasons still unknown to me (but I suspect it has something to do with my personality type).
I work with some highly educated people. I mean RN, BSN's and MD's. Not only are these people highly educated, but they are extremely intelligent. Here I am, just a lowly float rooming patients, cleaning instruments, and other menial tasks that need to be done, and I do this job with joy in my heart.
This afternoon one of the nurses called me to the front from cleaning instruments to help out. They were swamped, snowed under, and it was urgent that I come up front to help. They, honestly, had a cluster fuck. When we have lots of doctors on the floor seeing the patients, we usually do. It's not unusual. So, I looked at what we had. Then, I looked at what was needed. After that, I took off doing what it is that I do, 'fixing' things. In about a quarter of an hour, I had all of the rooms filled with patients and as a nurse finished one task, I directed her on to another.
At one point, one of the doctors came out of the room needing a tray and the paperwork for a biopsy. I started on that because there wasn't a nurse available. I started on the paperwork just about the time one of the nurses finished what she was doing and I asked her if she would get me a biopsy tray ready for the paperwork I was doing.
It was, pretty much, non-stop busy for an hour. Thing is, I had my own tasks to take care of in the back. So, when things slowed down, I went back to my little utility room and finished cleaning instruments. It's in the quiet moments in my back rooms that I think. I ponder why things happen in the manner that they do and why I am usually the 'go to' person when things get clogged, bogged down, or out and out weird. I've been doing this pretty much every day for a week, now. You see, last Tuesday was much the same story as above. The nurses were struggling and they called upon me to help. It was the same thing, clearing out the bottleneck and getting the flow going again. I didn't slow down, so they couldn't, either.
I don't know what it is that I do differently than most people. I don't question it, either. When my help is requested, whether I want to do it or not, I do my best to help. This, it seems to me, is living a life of service. I put aside my wants and try my best to make it better for whoever needs my help.
I live a life of service: service to my Gods and service to my community.
Brightest blessings my friends!