Greetings Dear Readers! It has been a great many months and a great many changes since I last stopped by. While I won't say that mundane life has taken over, I will say that it hasn't been all flowers and unicorns with rainbows shooting out of their asses. Life has been... life: some of it joyous and some of it not-so-much, but I have grown. I have grown as a person and I have grown in spirit. Which brings me to the subject at hand, a phrase that has always annoyed me when it is said in spiritual conversations: Do what feels good.
When I hear those in the position of elder or teacher tell seekers to 'do what feels good' it annoys me to my very core. Why? Well, do we tell toddlers to 'do what feels good' regarding playing with other children? Do we tell our tweens and teens to 'do what feels good' when they want to go out and spend time in the mixed company of friends? Do we compassionately look upon our addict friends who are struggling and tell them to 'do what feels good?' No? To all of these? Then why would we tell spiritual toddlers, tweens, teens or even, addicts this? The phrase 'do what feels good' is one of two things: a misnomer or bad advice. Here's why.
First, doing what feels good is much different than following one's instincts or spirit guides or gods. Why? Well, most people new to the Craft have to learn patience. They have to learn to be still and quiet. They have to learn to slow their mundane 'monkey mind' and move past it to actually focus. Focus is what we look for during meditation. It is how we learn to listen properly.
Doing what feels good tends toward being the path of least resistance. In most instances, this is not a bad thing (and therefore, is not always bad advice) but true meditation takes, literally, years of practice. When I say 'literally', I mean a long fucking time. I mean daily practice working up from 5-10 seconds at a time (because that's all you get in the beginning if you're lucky) to 15-30 minutes or more. This kind of devotion to a practice is not easy and it does not feel good.
Typically, we do not teach true meditation first. We may instruct seekers on how this is done and tell them to practice on their own, but we teach them other skills to go along with this because true meditation is tough, even for more advanced practitioners. Oh, we tell people to meditate, but what we really mean is for them to learn to focus, relax, and maybe even visualize. Most of those things, in time, lead to true meditation, but none of it is attained by doing what 'feels good.'
Secondly, what 'feels good' to me probably isn't going to be as good for me spiritually as I want it to be. For instance, it 'feels good' to put people in their place with the truth. Got a co-worker or friend who likes to blame the world for their problems when you can clearly see where their actions or inaction has caused the troubles? Don't you just want to look at them and remind them that only they can fix their situation? Yes, we all do. However, honesty and brutal honesty are two different beasts. One can lead said person around until they come to the conclusion (and feel good about it) or one can brutally hack away at said person's argument (which is, honestly, my favorite because it quickly gets to the heart of the matter) and show them the naked truth. I may be doing what 'feels good' to me, but that brutal honesty feels pretty bad to the other person. Haven't we all been that other person? Yes, we have.
Third, and something you don't hear a whole lot about these days, it is almost a guarantee that if it 'feels good', then you can bet the ego is behind it. The ego likes easy things. It likes to be right, to be stroked, to be listened to. It likes to 'do what feels good.' The ego hears 'do what feels good' and smiles. It says, 'meditation is hard.' It says, 'you don't have to meditate to be adept.' It says, 'you can make it up as you go and people will believe you.' The ego doesn't want us to grow beyond it. The ego doesn't want us to see past what it can show us. The ego wants us to live within our basest desires. The ego likes it when we 'do what feels good.'
All of this brings me to my final point in the 'do what feels good' talk. As modern neo-pagan practitioners, we have a litany of information out there. We want to believe that everything is fluid and nothing is set in stone, but that simply is not true. (The truth is the truth whether we believe in it or not, remember that.)
There are certain laws that we must live by. (Here, I bet you are challenging this statement in your mind, aren't you?) We must live by the laws of physics. We must even live by the ones we haven't discovered yet. (Gravity, anyone? XD) Spiritually, we must do the same thing. The 7 Universal Laws are a good place to start. It doesn't matter your path, they are universal laws for a reason.
Other laws that aren't necessarily laws, per se, reside in Gardner's 8 Paths to Power and refer to the cost of magic and magical practices. Learning to astral travel via meditation costs a whole lot less, energetically speaking, than learning to astral travel via drugs, sex, or pain. Drugs, sex, or pain may be the path that 'feels good' and it may be 'quicker' option, but the cost will always be greater. There is no bartering. There is no sharing that cost. There is no passing that cost on. These costs go beyond Wicca, as well. Just because it is Gardner who made them known, does not mean that non-Wiccan's are immune.
Remember, the next time you (or I or any of us) are in a position where a seeker asks for advice or a 'how to', don't just give them a generic 'do what feels good.' Doing what feels good is leading to a generation of spiritually handicapped individuals. Telling a seeker to 'do what feels good' could ultimately lead to that seeker being spiritually maimed or killed. Advising a seeker to 'do what feels good' could lead them down the road to animal or human sacrifice (on your advice) and put blood on your hands. Advising someone to 'do what feels good' could lead them to hooking up with 17 different people on Tindr and getting a disease. (Guess who gets to reap the energetic consequences of that, yup, you, for giving really bad advice.)
Next time, instead of telling a seeker to 'do what feels good', think about the potential consequences of 'feeling good' and, instead, say what you actually mean, unless you actually mean 'do whatever makes you feel good.' However, remember that is a double-edged sword and no matter what happens, you are ultimately going to be affected by the decision that seeker makes due to your words of wisdom. Words have power, right? It's why when we put them together they call it 'spelling'.
Brightest Blessings,
River Mourningstar
When I hear those in the position of elder or teacher tell seekers to 'do what feels good' it annoys me to my very core. Why? Well, do we tell toddlers to 'do what feels good' regarding playing with other children? Do we tell our tweens and teens to 'do what feels good' when they want to go out and spend time in the mixed company of friends? Do we compassionately look upon our addict friends who are struggling and tell them to 'do what feels good?' No? To all of these? Then why would we tell spiritual toddlers, tweens, teens or even, addicts this? The phrase 'do what feels good' is one of two things: a misnomer or bad advice. Here's why.
First, doing what feels good is much different than following one's instincts or spirit guides or gods. Why? Well, most people new to the Craft have to learn patience. They have to learn to be still and quiet. They have to learn to slow their mundane 'monkey mind' and move past it to actually focus. Focus is what we look for during meditation. It is how we learn to listen properly.
Doing what feels good tends toward being the path of least resistance. In most instances, this is not a bad thing (and therefore, is not always bad advice) but true meditation takes, literally, years of practice. When I say 'literally', I mean a long fucking time. I mean daily practice working up from 5-10 seconds at a time (because that's all you get in the beginning if you're lucky) to 15-30 minutes or more. This kind of devotion to a practice is not easy and it does not feel good.
Typically, we do not teach true meditation first. We may instruct seekers on how this is done and tell them to practice on their own, but we teach them other skills to go along with this because true meditation is tough, even for more advanced practitioners. Oh, we tell people to meditate, but what we really mean is for them to learn to focus, relax, and maybe even visualize. Most of those things, in time, lead to true meditation, but none of it is attained by doing what 'feels good.'
Secondly, what 'feels good' to me probably isn't going to be as good for me spiritually as I want it to be. For instance, it 'feels good' to put people in their place with the truth. Got a co-worker or friend who likes to blame the world for their problems when you can clearly see where their actions or inaction has caused the troubles? Don't you just want to look at them and remind them that only they can fix their situation? Yes, we all do. However, honesty and brutal honesty are two different beasts. One can lead said person around until they come to the conclusion (and feel good about it) or one can brutally hack away at said person's argument (which is, honestly, my favorite because it quickly gets to the heart of the matter) and show them the naked truth. I may be doing what 'feels good' to me, but that brutal honesty feels pretty bad to the other person. Haven't we all been that other person? Yes, we have.
Third, and something you don't hear a whole lot about these days, it is almost a guarantee that if it 'feels good', then you can bet the ego is behind it. The ego likes easy things. It likes to be right, to be stroked, to be listened to. It likes to 'do what feels good.' The ego hears 'do what feels good' and smiles. It says, 'meditation is hard.' It says, 'you don't have to meditate to be adept.' It says, 'you can make it up as you go and people will believe you.' The ego doesn't want us to grow beyond it. The ego doesn't want us to see past what it can show us. The ego wants us to live within our basest desires. The ego likes it when we 'do what feels good.'
All of this brings me to my final point in the 'do what feels good' talk. As modern neo-pagan practitioners, we have a litany of information out there. We want to believe that everything is fluid and nothing is set in stone, but that simply is not true. (The truth is the truth whether we believe in it or not, remember that.)
There are certain laws that we must live by. (Here, I bet you are challenging this statement in your mind, aren't you?) We must live by the laws of physics. We must even live by the ones we haven't discovered yet. (Gravity, anyone? XD) Spiritually, we must do the same thing. The 7 Universal Laws are a good place to start. It doesn't matter your path, they are universal laws for a reason.
Other laws that aren't necessarily laws, per se, reside in Gardner's 8 Paths to Power and refer to the cost of magic and magical practices. Learning to astral travel via meditation costs a whole lot less, energetically speaking, than learning to astral travel via drugs, sex, or pain. Drugs, sex, or pain may be the path that 'feels good' and it may be 'quicker' option, but the cost will always be greater. There is no bartering. There is no sharing that cost. There is no passing that cost on. These costs go beyond Wicca, as well. Just because it is Gardner who made them known, does not mean that non-Wiccan's are immune.
Remember, the next time you (or I or any of us) are in a position where a seeker asks for advice or a 'how to', don't just give them a generic 'do what feels good.' Doing what feels good is leading to a generation of spiritually handicapped individuals. Telling a seeker to 'do what feels good' could ultimately lead to that seeker being spiritually maimed or killed. Advising a seeker to 'do what feels good' could lead them down the road to animal or human sacrifice (on your advice) and put blood on your hands. Advising someone to 'do what feels good' could lead them to hooking up with 17 different people on Tindr and getting a disease. (Guess who gets to reap the energetic consequences of that, yup, you, for giving really bad advice.)
Next time, instead of telling a seeker to 'do what feels good', think about the potential consequences of 'feeling good' and, instead, say what you actually mean, unless you actually mean 'do whatever makes you feel good.' However, remember that is a double-edged sword and no matter what happens, you are ultimately going to be affected by the decision that seeker makes due to your words of wisdom. Words have power, right? It's why when we put them together they call it 'spelling'.
Brightest Blessings,
River Mourningstar
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