The name River was a gift. It was a gift from one of my many, many narcissists, but a gift nonetheless. I decided to keep that name as a reminder of what the river does and my own capabilities.
The river changes landscapes and cuts wide swathes through rock. Through gentle, yet constant movement, it grinds stones against each other until they are nothing more than sand. The river smooths the ragged edges from all forms of rock and wood. The river sweeps away any detritus without caring if the trash is considered precious or not. If it is, then it should not be in the path of the swirling, oft murky depths.
When people are given magical names, it is something that has some kind of meaning to them. My own name was given to me without any kind of input or ceremony. I was told, "This is your coven name."
In response, I nodded and replied, "Okay," in some fashion or another. There was no naming ceremony, no interesting tale of how it happened. The entire coven was summoned to the covenstead one day and told (in essence), "We are restructuring your experience with the coven to make it more magical and as such those of you who don't have magical names will be given one today and those who do, we will begin using them immediately any time we are here. There will be no mundaneries brought to the covenstead unless it is for counseling or we are simply gathering for revelry. Class is for classwork. Ritual is for ritual. We will discuss individual plans for each of you over the next few days."
I had been practicing with the coven for a little less than a year at this point and none of the promises that had been made by the leadership had been kept. After my first season with the group, I figured out that there was little to no chance of those promises being kept (things like 'legitimacy' with a Gardenarian lineage, because there was none and there was no one left alive to confirm or deny this connection). This blog isn't to get into my time with the coven, nor is it to expose the leaders for the frauds they are, but those things matter because they illustrate what goes on when a naming happens and is accepted by the named person on the psychic level.
I was given the name River and told that I can be like a force of nature. I accepted it for various reasons, the biggest one being that I grew up in a river town and lived most of my childhood on that river. I didn't just accept it. River is who I am. It is one of the greatest gifts that I have ever been given. However, I accepted this name with an understanding that most people do not take into consideration the entire concept of a noun when they use it as a proper name.
The river isn't just a huge amount of kinetic energy naturally following the path of least resistance. It likes the path of least resistance, but it will also create that path and destroy everything in its way to creation. It can be dammed up, but if it isn't given a release, it will just run over the top and still destroy everything in its path. It can be dammed up and used strategically to power everything around it. We want to coax the river to work with us, not force it to bend to our will. Rivers are so slow to revolt that humanity believes that they can be tamed. And so it is with people.
I spent time with that group, dammed up, unable to make my own path, or any real headway due to all of these perceived duties. I was, almost immediately, tested for loyalty and how much I would go out of my way to 'help' even as I was being told how the other members of the group were unreliable or unavailable. That was an immediate red flag for me because that mentality was something that was stressed in another group I was in. As a leader, you shouldn't be talking shit about the people most loyal to you having for having full-time jobs, hobbies (even if it may be alcoholism), and a life outside of your influence.
So, after the first three months, I began looking at the red flags. They were everywhere. Certain members were used as 'spies' and quite proud of their unassuming nature. Others were told they were the muscle, but really, they were kept around for other reasons. Other members were kept around for no reason at all other than they had been there for several years. I took all of this in, watched the dynamic. It was so dysfunctional that it was a running gag within the coven. "We are a dysfunctional family," I heard many times. (Then heal thyself, Witch! I thought to myself nearly every time.)
By the time I was named, the murky waters were swirling with information that people outside of the group wouldn't believe. The proverbial dam was nearly full to bursting. You can't. Stop. The river.
The river flows how and where it wishes. It does so in its own way and in its own time. Rivers are slow and that means rivers are patient. That slow, patient often lazy looking surface masks a dangerous force lurking just underneath. The undertow will drag the unsuspecting down without thought or care. Why would anyone give that name to someone they only think they know? Feels a bit like hubris to me. Why would anyone take that name? From where I sit, faith doesn't move mountains, rivers do. Just ask the Grand Canyon. So, why wouldn't everyone embrace the same feral patience and ability to plan long term that the lifeblood of our planet uses? Why wouldn't everyone embrace that level of flexibility?
Ultimately, I left the group. It served only to stagnate me. Some years later, I gave out the information I'd learned. It was, of course, met with disbelief by those on the outside. What no one ever knew about (and likely won't for a while, if ever) was the support that I got privately. For every person who condemned me without question for my action (and I know who they are), I had another privately contact me with their own experience that paralleled mine. These same people said, "Hey, thanks for being a voice for those of us who can't speak out right now. Here is my story. . ."
When naming someone, whether it be yourself or another, remember that all words have shadow meanings. The good and creative aspects are always what we want to embrace, but with creation comes the inevitable destruction. Therefore, those shadowy aspects must also be considered, especially if you know a person is not averse to embracing their Shadow Self or if you know that person needs a lesson in owning their Shadow. Sometimes these destructive aspects are aimed inwardly to destroy one's own barriers and personal illusions, but sometimes, these aspects are aimed outward, toward destroying the illusions others have built.
Blessings,
River
