Friday, March 22, 2013

PBP Week 12: F is for F.E.A.R.

Ah, Fear!  How are you, you wily fucker?  Still stealing people's breath?  Their words, thoughts, and actions?  Oh, Fear, you are a cunning friend.  You quite enjoy comforting us as you stab us in the heart, don't you?  You like whispering all of those negative things, don't you?  You enjoy the tears, the rage, the hurt.  You live for the moment when you can wrap yourself around any one of us and whisper, "It's okay that you can't.  It's okay that you won't try.  Don't.  Ever.  Try."

As you can tell, I have a long standing, masochistic relationship with my fears.  Through my training in Wicca, though, I have learned that fear is a necessity in life and can even be a good thing.  First, I have been taught to define fear as:


The ego, through fear, teaches us how to look out for ourselves.  This is good, right?  Well, it's a great thing if you are standing on the edge of a cliff.  Fear may cause you to take a step back.  However, not paying bills because they are late for fear that your creditors are going to yell at you isn't a good thing.

Magically speaking, how do we manifest our own reality without fear?  Well, we first have to know what we are afraid of.  Speaking from a personal standpoint, I have, historically, been afraid of both success and failure.  How's that for irrational fears?  I have never failed at anything I put my mind to, and can't think of anything at which I am a complete and utter failure.  I'm horrible at tennis.  I'm too tall for tumbling.  I'm mediocre at painting.  However, just because those things aren't my strong suits, doesn't mean I fail.  It just means that I'm better at basketball, stenciling, and writing.

The fear of success has been my own biggest stumbling block.  If I'm good at this, others expectations will rise through the roof.  That has always been my thought.  If people know I'm intelligent, then they will expect more from me.  If people know this.  If people know that.  Until recently, I attributed this fear to my own ultra-private sense of life.  I know now that it is not.  I understand now that saying to another person I am limitless and believing it are two different things.

After figuring out the root of our own fears, what do we do?  I mean, one can not cast a successful spell if one is afraid of success, correct?  After figuring out what we are afraid of and why, we have to face that fear.  Even if facing it means doing so little by little.  Facing a fear of heights means stepping closer and closer to the edge until you go as far as you dare, and then going one step farther.  It means listening to that small voice of fear, but ignoring it.

When I first began facing my own fears, I had to do so in a manner that calmed and tricked my ego into a false sense of security.  It was literally a case of me telling myself, "Okay, Self, I'm going to do something that  you said is going to hurt me, but I'm going to do it a little bit at a time so we feel safe.  If we get hurt, it will all be my fault and you can tell me so."

For the most part, I know now when I am being irrational, and I can convince myself of this.  Magically speaking, I have done many things  since I began taming my ego and stopped listening to the smooth voice of fear.  How do you convince yourself to face your fears?  Do you?

Brightest of blessings, my friends!

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