Saturday, December 7, 2013

Past Lives: The Memories, What Do You Do With Them?

The past life experience and recovering memories is a topic that seems to have a revolving door kind of popularity.  It's a big thing for a while and then it isn't.  However, on some pagan paths, it could be counted as an important aspect for the practitioner.  Why?  It is important because we carry issues, thought processes, and even lessons from our past lives into our current one.  It is important because as practitioners of the Craft we strive to "Know Thyself."

I know that at this point in my life, I am struggling with a particular past life memory.  The last few days of that life spontaneously came back to me about this time last year.  While I lived an honorable life, the last few days were horrific.  I was a high ranking military official type and committed treason to prove a point.  My point was proven and I was put to death, but I did not die.  In the end, I was 'saved' by a witch and when I was well enough to leave, I wandered as a vigilante, of sorts, hunting down those who murdered me and, more importantly I believe, searching for those friends who never left my side.

Over the last year, I have had more bits of this particular past life come back.  I have recognized, in this life, those whom I lost in that one.  Yes, we have reincarnated together.  My struggle is two-fold with this recognition.  First, my honor (I think) won't let me tell these people.  I recognize that they have to remember this for themselves and if they haven't yet then they probably aren't ready to.  I also struggle with the fact that I was pretty bad-assed in that life.  I remember being nearly fearless.  My attitude was almost like, "Let's fuck some stuff up and see what happens!"  I was very principled and had no problem proving a point.

I am not like that in this life.  Am I clever?  Sometimes.  Am I cautious and calculating?  Most of the time.  There seems to be more care in this life to the effects of my actions.  I seem to be more diplomatic in this life and less 'kill them all and let god sort them out.'

So, I am exploring these memories.  I am experiencing them, seeing the action and feeling the emotions over and over and then, I am divorcing myself from the emotions and trying to look at the actions I took from a more objective place.  I am even exploring the emotions to see just why I would feel them in regards to what I did and what happened to me.

Already, it has explained some things to me, at least to some extent.  It has shown me why I have such a strange sense of right and wrong (it tends to be slightly more black and white than most people's), but it has also shown me that sometimes the right thing to do appears wrong to everyone else.  It has shown me that sometimes one must stand alone in what is right, so I appreciate more those who take a stand that may be unpopular.

This exploration has shown me just how important it is to trust those who have proven themselves time and again to be trustworthy.  Here, I mean those who own their words and actions, no matter how popular or unpopular.  More importantly, this exploration has shown me that I must be the same way.  It has shown me that sometimes the right thing to do is to shatter the illusion, whether it is created by yourself or another.  If we do the difficult thing and it is the best thing we can do for ourselves, then we have done right.  (And, maybe this lesson is a modern day variation on the 'kill them all and let god sort them out' attitude, I'm not sure.)

Now, as I figure this past life stuff out, I can see that there are lessons I still haven't learned, lessons I am still learning, and lessons I bring with me into this life.  It doesn't make the emotions I feel presently any more or less palatable, but it does give me some insight into why things are being presented to me in this life as they are.  It doesn't take the fear away, because I am not a fearless being in this life.  However, I can make peace with my choices because I know that I have made them before on one level or another.  Do any of you, dear readers, struggle with past life memories?  Do you struggle to integrate them into this life or just accept them for what they are?  I am sincerely curious.

Brightest blessings, Friends!

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