Monday, July 9, 2012

Adapt or Eliminate: Sounds Easy, Doesn't It?

There are times in our lives when the lessons are difficult.  For some, the lesson of adapt or eliminate is an easy one.  These people see something bad, negative, or otherwise not good for them and they let it go.  These same people see something that can be turned into a positive thing and they adapt themselves to it and use it for the good.  Unfortunately for me, neither adapting nor eliminating have come easy.  It happens, but I often second guess myself or beat myself up over the decision.  My choleric personality type often raises an eyebrow and asks, "Are you sure you aren't just giving up?  If you can, even remotely, make a difference, why are you giving up?"

It is in these moments, when I have to remind myself that not everyone wants what I have to give.  Sure, I want to instill confidence, beauty, and a bit of common sense in everyone I meet.  I want them to draw upon their melancholy personality (which is what I mask my choleric with) and think.  I want them to think for themselves.  I want them to weigh the good and bad out for themselves.  I want to gently guide them to these conclusions, but only if they are receptive.  When they aren't receptive, I find myself either adapting to their negative or chaotic outlook, or I eliminate them from my life.  Those are the only two choices I have.

I have found myself with people or in situations where, quite frankly, I open my big mouth and try to help.  I see these people, whom I count among my friends, with fear, negativity, and chaos in their lives.  They whine, complain, and lament their bad luck constantly.  Being on the outside and having stood in their shoes, I understand now what I didn't know then.  I understand that these people draw the chaos to them.  They thrive on the drama and the chaos.  If things weren't bad, they would happily sabotage something to have something to complain about.

I've been there.  I've been one of those drama-seeking self saboteurs.  The chaos in my life was exhausting!  Of course, the exhaustion was just one more thing for me to whine about.  I liked it.  I liked blaming everyone else for the crap life was flinging so mercilessly at me.  Now that I'm a bit older and maybe slightly wiser, I don't know what I was thinking!  Not to say that my life is completely chaos free or anything, because it isn't, however, instead of succumbing completely to the tornado of chaos, I stand as strong as I can against it, willing myself to not get caught up.  If I do happen to get caught up, I lament my luck for a bit (really, who doesn't?!?), but then I have to gather myself up and make a decision.  I can allow it to take over my whole life, or I can adapt or eliminate.

There are few situations or people who I don't adapt to.  I cherish the people in my life for the individuals they are.  That said, many of those people are also in the Craft.  We come to the Craft to learn.  We come to the Craft to grow.  We come to the Craft to become better than we were.  When I point out a learning opportunity to someone and, because they don't want to learn and grow, I am the bad guy, I am the negative one, holier than thou, or whatever 10,000 other ways they choose to try and insult me, I know that it is time for me to move on.  Adaptation is no longer useful and it is time to eliminate.  I love them anyway and I silently walk away.  I know that if they keep upon their path and walk it true that our paths will meet again down the road and we will have an opportunity to grow in our Craft together.

I've lost a handful of people just in the last single turn of the Wheel because of this choice.  It's heartbreaking.  It's difficult.  It really makes you re-evaluate your life, your changes, where you are going, and what you are doing.  For someone with my personality type, it also makes me wonder if the changes are worth it, makes me wonder if the progress is really forward progress.  That said, I look around me and realize that for every person I have lost, two new ones have manifested and, despite how things may appear, they are wise and lift me up and, right or wrong, help me see my own lesson in the situation.  As long as I learn those lessons, I can't be any worse off for it.

Brightest Blessings my friends!!

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