Thursday, June 14, 2012

Resistance is Futile

These are narcotics-induced ramblings.  Please remember this!  There are abrupt thought changes and loads of things that may or may not make sense.  Broken bones, physical injuries, and the like take a lot out of me, but they seem to also make me think...

Last night, in that twilight time between sleep and wake, a thing occurred to me.  For people like me, this is Hell.  There is no lake of fire.  There is no sulfur, brimstone, or demons.  This manifestation, with all of its limitations, is Hell.

While my soul is still one with the divine, this conscious part of me falls daily for the illusions of this reality.  I know that I am limitless, yet I struggle with the illusion of pain.  I struggle with the illusion of powerlessness, helplessness.  "If I can't, then who shall help me?"  For so many years, I have had no answer to the question. Then, I reach out to someone I'm not sure that I have ever met.  Our conversation turns from the possibility of meeting to my own fears and limitations.  Quickly I understand that, yet again, my gods are speaking to me.

They remind me that they have a plan for me.  They remind me that these limitaqtions are tests.  They remind me to seek Them out instead of listening to that voice in my head.  They remind me that while this all seems read, that it is, indeed, an illusion.  This pain in my ankle is a phantom, because this body is a phonatom.  These emotions are wisps of smoke upon a mighty gale.  This entire universe is contained within a single atom within a single cell in the hair on the leg of a humble fly.

So, this illusion of pain and helplessness then becomes a metaphor for that which I feel inside.  My soul screams in agony as I refuse it what it needs.  I have become a living mirror, an outward expression of an internal landscape.  I seem to have injured a small part of my Self in my refusal to keep going forward spiritually.  So, of course, Self must remind me that I can't do that, or if I do I end up injuring my self.  So, where do I go from here?

I suppose I should probably step back on my path and move forward.

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