Daily Tarot Reading: 28 Oct 2014

Today's tarot reading, much like yesterday, was just about the things I am going to face as well as the things I am going to need and experience today.

The Moon entered Capricorn at 5:03am today.  Also, (just for fun) the Celtic Tree Month of Reed begins.

Today my Spiritual was 6 of Grails reversed, Emotional was 5 of Earth, and Mundane was Knave (Page) of Swords.  My initial impression was it was going to be another interesting day.  Obviously, I am uneasy (says the 6 of Grails), but I need to use my knowledge and wisdom (Knave of Swords) to keep hanging on (5 of Earth) for just a little while longer.  So, if I need to work through my own unease and be like the small stream of water that forged the Grand Canyon, I have to rely more upon the facts than any emotion that might come up.

It has been a good day for facts.  There was no time for emotion.  Where facts are concerned, I will always have a cheerful demeanor (because facts are sterile, in essence, and emotions and attachments aren't really needed).  It was another glorious day!!

I can certainly tell we have just come out of Mercury Retrograde!!

Daily Tarot Reading: 27 Oct. 2014

Today I am going to begin something new.  With the new moon, I put out some pretty potent magic dealing with self transformation, among other things.  So, this daily tarot blog is going to be something I do every day for a while (maybe even forever).  Admittedly, it is more for myself than for anyone else, however, I feel that I need to open myself up to others a little more.  This is the first step in my doing it. 

All of that said, the process and the purpose are below:

I own 3 different tarot decks.  I am using all three.  In each spread, I will pull one card from each deck.  The Tarot of the Vampyres represents my Spiritual Self for that day.  The As Above Deck  from the Book of Shadows Tarot represents my Emotional Self for that day. The So Below Deck from the Book of Shadows Tarot represents my Mundane Self for that day.  Together they will give me a picture of what I have in store for my day.  Together they will give me a glimpse into my day numerologically and astrologically speaking.  I will also be posting the moon phase, astrological sign, and musing over what happened and how it applies or doesn't for the day.   So, we shall begin!!

October 27, 2014: The Moon went Void of Course at 11:18am (Central Time) from Sagittarius and will be so until it enters Capricorn at 5:03am tomorrow.  Ceres enters Sagittarius at 5:06pm tonight.

Now, on to the actual tarot spread!!

Spiritual Self: The World (Reversed) *Card #21*

Emotional Self: The Summerlands (The Fool) (Reversed)*Card #0*

Mundane Self: 3 of Chalices (Reversed)

As we can see, today was certainly a day that things were not as they seemed!  Going into my day knowing that I needed to keep a wider perspective on things helped tremendously.  I acknowledged my missteps and mistakes.  I acknowledged my own emotions and accepted them without self-judgment.  All in all, it was a joyful and productive day.

The World Card reversed denotes a lack of connectedness, in this case, with my own spirituality.  I have lost something in the process.  Since The World, typically, is the culmination of the adventure of the Fool, seeing the Fool after the World in this spread, in my Emotional arena is interesting.  Reversed here, the Fool represents untapped potential and an unwillingness to emote in certain ways, or maybe it's my ability to emote in certain over-the-top ways.  Maybe it's both.  Then again, within my mundane, we see the 3 of Chalices reversed, which speaks of my own discontent, specifically at my job.  This discontent has less to do with my actual tasks and co-workers and more to do with the sheer amount of chaos and transition within the department itself. I know that it, too, shall pass. 

So, that's if for my first edition of Daily Tarot Readings!!  If you don't want to know, or don't care, or (my choice!!) want to see what I draw every day, please, let me know!!  If I know people are interested, I will be more likely to keep up with posting.

Blessings, Friends!

P.S.  I linked to the individual decks on Amazon on purpose, just in case you wanted to explore more about any of these decks.  Don't worry, I won't do it again!! ;-)

I'm Okay, You're Okay. None of Us Are in Control.

I wrote this a some months ago, but it didn't feel right for publish, so it didn't get published.  Today, it feels right.  The lesson of being okay is a lesson I'm learning on a much deeper level than, even when I wrote this.  The magic of this past week has been very potent for me, on a personal level, and I need that as we are barreling headlong into Samhain.

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Recently it was pointed out to me that other people tend to perceive me as arrogant and/or egotistical.  The fact that others see me this way didn't surprise me, but having it pointed out that my own self assurance is the culprit for this misinterpretation caused me great pause.  This caused me pause because I realize, now, the sheer number of people who have come into my life and completely misinterpreted every word and deed of mine they have ever witnessed.  So, what is the difference between arrogance and self assurance?  Is there a difference?  Maybe arrogance and self assurance are different polarities of the same vibration?  What if that's the case?  Then, since we live in a selfish world, wouldn't it be easier to simply write other people off as selfish, instead of really seeing them?  What if those people we view as arrogant and egotistical are simply mirroring at us our own selfish desires (or our own insecurities) and, because that makes us uncomfortable, we subconsciously view them through a filter of arrogance?

For me, personally, I look at the world around me and I see many people out there who are hurting.  I see people who hide behind masks (don't we all!!) and run from the life lessons they are presented.  Sometimes this happens because the person doesn't want to be humbled.  The person doesn't want to submit to his or her gods.  Humility is bowing to the Truth.  It is accepting the Truth no matter how difficult it may be to swallow.

Long before I found the pagan community, I learned to be okay.  I learned that it is okay for me to be introverted.  It is okay for me to be different.  It is okay for me to say and do weird things.  It is okay for me to be a private person.  It's okay for me to make mistakes.  It's okay for me to be okay with my mistakes. It's okay for me to not know everything.  It's okay for me to be right, to be wrong, to let someone else be right, even when I know they are wrong. It's okay for me to strive for perfection, as long as I know I can never actually achieve it.  It's okay for me to be human.

"Know Thyself"

In coming to know myself, I am learning that there are those out there who are not okay with my personal acceptance of the things I can not change (like the fact that I'm going to fuck up, get over it, I'm human).  I'm also finding out that many of these people are not okay with the fact that I do not feel the need to explain myself to them.  I figure that since my motivations are my own and I do my level best not to react, then if someone wants to know why I said or did what I did, they can ask me.  If they don't want to ask, then I figure it is best to leave them with their own illusions because everything I say is going to be dismissed or not completely heard.  I have never looked at someone who asked about my motivations or why I said/did something and told them to figure it out for themselves.  I just figure that if you want to know what's going on in my brain, you will ask me.  I'm not a person known for getting angry and flying off the handle, yet people seem to perceive me as being that kind of person, which I find weird.  Maybe that's one of the reasons people see me as arrogant, I don't feel the need to explain myself.  Maybe they see me as arrogant because, sometimes and with some people, I simply refuse to allow them to ruffle my feathers.

Another thing I don't feel the need to do is brow-beat people into my way of seeing things, that's arrogance (and probably, to an extent, bullying).  Whether a person is right or wrong (in regards to facts) is, honestly, irrelevant to me, if that person is not willing to accept a different perspective.  The need for a person to be right (regardless of facts) is his or her own need and I will, quite graciously, allow them to be right.  Their lessons in this is their own and it is not for me to add to the lesson for asking them to 'prove' themselves to me when I know they can't.  However, being the daughter and Priestess of Hekate, I have no qualms in turning a person's need for superiority against them, if they choose to use it to belittle others.  (That means, don't try to make other people feel stupid or 'less than'.  Someone will always know more than you, or me for that matter.)  Maybe that's another reason people perceive me as arrogant, I'll let anyone be right if they need to, until that person uses that need to try and make themselves feel important at the expense of another.

Why, though, is it not okay to be okay?  Is it because we live in a culture where everything is a competition?  Is it because we live in a world where everyone has to have the best, be the best, do the best?  Why does one person have to be the 'leader'?  Why does one person have to be the 'smart one'?  Why does one person have to be the 'wise one'?  Why is it expected we should be 'impressive' in some way?  What if I choose to surround myself with people who are wise, smart, and impressive leaders in their own way?  What if I choose to surround myself with people who are exceptional in one area but not in another?  What if I choose to surround myself with accomplished people who have many things to offer, but don't know how to offer them?  If I am okay with the people in my life, their short comings, their quirks, their talents, what right does anyone have to tell me that it's 'not okay'? 

Yes, yes it is okay.  In this illusory existence we call life, we view everything through the filters of our own life's lessons.  If another views me as being egotistical because I believe in myself.  I'm okay with that.  That particular view is less about me than it is about them.  If another views me as being arrogant because I'm okay with knowing what I know today and striving to learn more tomorrow, I'm okay with that, too.  If I'm viewed as incompetent because I let someone be wrong, I'm also okay with that and next time, I just won't let it be wrong.  I know that nothing is within my control, save for myself (and, honestly, that's debatable in the whole free will/fate debate...) and I'm okay with that.  Nothing is in our control, be okay with that!!

Brightest blessings, Friends!

Anywhen: Maybe There is Only Now?

Earlier this week, I watched a movie that is going to stay with me, probably for the rest of my life.  This movie was a random indie flick on Netflix starring Jared Leto called Mr. Nobody, chosen only because Jared Leto, as an actor, tends to take on some pretty amazing roles (and because he's beautiful and can sing).  The description of the movie was nothing fancy, something along the lines of : "At the age of 120, the last mortal on earth looks back on his life and wonders if he made the right choices."  Pretty tame, right?  Yeah. Right.  There was nothing in the description about this being a thought-provoking-higher-knowledge-quantum-epic-amazing-brain-exploding film. (Okay, it didn't really explode my brain, but I can see that it might do that to some people.)  Just a few minutes into it, the depth of the premise punched me square in the consciousness.  Mentioning the Angel of Oblivion in any film can do that, I suppose.

So, without giving too much away, the film follows Mr. Nemo Nobody through his various simultaneous lives in the multiverse from the time when he was waiting to be born and the Angel of Oblivion missed obliviating him.  He talked to an interviewer about his various choices throughout his 120 years of life, even talking about his various deaths.

This got me thinking, really thinking.  What if, in regards to past lives, they aren't really in the past? What if these lives run concurrent to this one on another plane of reality, in another dimension, or at another vibrational level?  What if, when we go under hypnosis, we are not looking backward at these lives, but we are looking at a broader view?  Maybe something similar to the old picture-in-picture TV technology or maybe multiple television sets.  Even more, how does this relate to the connectedness of life and the web that is formed?  Is there a web or is that also an illusion?

In my own Craft tradition, we are initially taught that we are all connected.  However, as we progress down our own paths, learn the higher knowledge we are taught, and integrate it into our being (despite the fact that it is already there), we realize that separateness is an illusion.  For me, this movie was that moment where it all sunk in, despite the fact that I know this is all an illusion.  Maybe there is only now.  There is only the me who has been at war for decades.  There is only the me who hates those little bastard kids.  There is only me who sits in quiet contemplation high in the mountains.  There is only me who lives in Missouri.  There is only me who, throughout all of these seemingly separate lives lived at different times, who sees my own reflection within those whom I love and those whom I don't.

When now is all there is, is is all there can be.  As Spirit manifest, you and I are the same.  We are not 'above' or 'below' one another.  We are Spirit conscious of itself.  We are.  Within the multiverse, we are Spirit determined to experience everything from every perspective.  Outside of the multiverse, we are Spirit determined to experience everything from every perspective.  Maybe even the multiverse is an illusion of separation created by Spirit.  Would a wall built by Spirit not still be Spirit manifest?

We live to experience.  From the moment we are born, we are dying.  We experience everything through the perspective of it being outside of us.  Why?  You and I are not just connected.  We are not just similar.  We are not just alive.  We are Spirit made manifest.  We are the same.  We. Are.

Namaste, Friends, until next time.

(Just for fun, here's the trailer on YouTube.)

When Darkness Strikes

We all walk through periods in our life that seem dark.  Through those periods, we scramble for purchase, clinging to whatever we feel because we simply can't see.  We can't sort through the muddled, jumbled, occasionally crazed thoughts in our head.  We grasp for something real because everything seems like a dream.  Some of us gaze up at the darkness and wonder where the stars are.  Others retreat into their safest of places and do their best to wait for the light.  Then, there are those who recognize the dark as a time for spiritual growth, and they peer into the abyss, waiting for it to peer back at them.

This time of dark moon has descended upon my own life.  Having been though this several times before, I recognize the signs and symptoms: frustration, negative feelings or self-talk (major or minor, doesn't matter), and (most importantly) the same situations and reactions coming up over and over with various people who are not connected to each other in any way, save for me.  "Here's your lesson," said the Universe.  "There's no secret agenda, no secret plan to make you miserable, no one is out to get you.  Once you see the lesson for what it is, then you begin to understand and grow and your misery (self-righteousness, fear, ego, etc.) disappears and the soil of your soul becomes more fertile."  For me, this dark moon time has been about finding compassion, being okay with being a mirror, and recognizing and accepting that the reactions of others are their own, not mine.

I believe it may have reached its crescendo yesterday, at work.  We had our monthly meeting and 'retreat'.  Lots of good was done, but also, lots of negative feelings were aired.  One person, in particular, felt 'picked on' and felt like an outsider.  This person accused us (the rest of the staff she works closely with) of making her feel that way.  As this person is telling us all of the ways we have slighted her, made her feel unwelcome, etc., I stop her and I ask her to let me give her another perspective.  I then tell her that she came into our office, promptly separated herself from us (both physically and emotionally), began to change things in our office to suit her without giving our way a chance, and so we figured that she didn't want to be part of our team and we let her do her own thing.  None of us were offended.  We just figured that we would give her the space she needed to adjust.  However, we can all see the vast chasm between these two perspectives to the same events.

There were two of us who ended up taking the brunt of her very poor reaction to how we (as a group) perceived her.  (We all know shit rolls down hill.)  And, her reaction was very poor.  She did what most of us do when we hear things about ourselves that we don't want to hear.  She pointed fingers, laid blame elsewhere, and stormed off.  Nothing that was said to her was said with mean or negative intentions.  Nothing was pointed out harshly or in bad form.  Several of us had things that needed to be said, we said them without accusation and with the intention of clearing the air so we could start fresh the next day we all work together.  All of us were ready and willing, made the commitment to our supervisor and manager to start with a clean slate, everyone but her.  In her brutal honesty, she said she didn't know if she could.

This was, for me, a turning point.  I saw, very clearly, a few things about myself.  First, I saw my own resigned reaction.  While I didn't want to add insult to injury, I knew she needed to hear the things that were said.  When she reacted and started placing blame, I gave an inward sigh and thought, "Here we go again."  That immediate reaction to her reaction was my own putting up of a wall.  Recognizing that, I lowered that wall enough to, at least, hear what she had to say.  When my own shortcoming (yes, ONE) was having an answer to the questions she asked, I realized then, just how stupid our emotions make us.  I was a 'bad person' for answering a new co-workers questions honestly and to the best of my ability.  What?  Then I asked her, "So, you don't like it when I answer your question with the information I was given?  How else am I supposed to answer it?"  Of course, since our emotions make us stupid (not just her, but all of us), she sputtered and stuttered because she knew she was grasping at straws.  Our manager interrupted her and had some really, really diplomatic thing to say, which was nice.  I appreciated that a lot.  Then our manager asked if we could commit to starting fresh.  When she refused to commit to starting fresh and stormed out, I gave another inward sigh and thought, "If she comes back, she's going to be abusive to those of us who spoke up."

Then, I thought, "Okay, negative self talk, instead of preparing yourself for the abuse you know is coming, start now with an attitude of cooperation, compassion, and love for this woman.  Those are the things she needs.  If she gets abusive after being given those things, you go to your boss and let her know.  Find your compassion and, if she refuses it and gets nasty, that's on her, not you.  Be apologetic.  Be sincere.  You can only control your reactions.  You are not responsible for other people.  You are not responsible for their reactions.  You can not help that you are sometimes a mirror for things they do not want to see.  Keep working hard, do what you are told, and remember that the squeaky wheel gets the grease."

I don't necessarily like this particular lesson.  I haven't been liking it since it started.  That said, I know I need it.  I know I need to be able to disengage when those around me feel slighted by me.  I know it is their own insecurity and need to be important that causes this projection.  I know I have to find my compassion for them.  They are like teenagers, spiritually (and emotionally).  They look into a mirror and don't like what they see, so they blame the mirror.  They whine and stomp their foot.  They criticize the mirror and scream that it's wrong.  All I can do is wait and hope that one day they will stop screaming at the mirror.  All I can do is fill my space with love.  All I can do is hope that, one day, instead of laying blame, they will want to actually talk and listen to the other perspective instead of making assumptions.  We all know what making assumptions does...

Brightest blessings, Friends!!

To Speak to Hekate: A Meditative Journey

This afternoon, while doing dishes, I spoke to my Goddess.  She told me a great many things.  I asked her a great many questions.  As of late, my heart has been heavy.  I have been going through a time of Dark Moon, fighting with myself and trying to find a new center.  I have been coming to grips with some changes I have made and some more that I know I need to make.  I actually had another blog ready to post today, but She said that this would be more important than the other.

So, with my hands immersed into the water (because water is an excellent conductor of energy!) we had this conversation:

Me: Mother, did I do the right thing?
She: Yes.  You recognize your lessons in this.  You acknowledge them.  You know what they are, even if you still struggle with them.
Me: Okay, I get that, but did I fuck up?  Is there anything that I could have done differently?
She: My dear, sweet, hard-headed child!  You could have done everything differently and still had the same outcome.  You could have done everything the same and the outcome could have been different.  You can not control every outcome.  You are but a vessel.  Does the vase determine when cut flowers die?
Me: Well, no, but...
She: What does Garry say? "Everything after 'but' is bullshit."  You, as the vessel, present the lesson.  You, as the vessel, must recognize what your lesson in this is. You, as the vessel, do not determine if the lesson is accepted or rejected.
Me: *at this point, I am bewildered at the seeming simplicity of it all.  I already know these things.  I already know I struggle with these things.  Hekate is, apparently, feeling a little magnanimous today so She isn't raking me over the coals.*
She: Dear child, you already know that you are a vessel of the Gods.  We have chosen you as such because of your faith.  We have chosen you as such because of your strength.  Remember, we chose you.  Do you believe that The Ferryman agonizes over those spirits who refuse to pay him?
Me: Well, no.  Those spirits simply don't get to cross over.  They wander the place between the worlds until they decide to pay him.
She: Exactly! So why, then, would you worry about those who beg for my presence in their life, yet reject the lessons I present?  Why would you worry for those who choose to walk the road of the Dark Goddess alone because they reject their guide?
Me: Well, I suppose it is because I have had to walk it alone and I know many of the difficulties.
She: No, child, you don't know the difficulties.  You have accepted the love of the Dark Goddess without question.  You have looked into my many faces and you have loved me back.  What you have experienced is the difficulty of accepting my presence in your life, not rejecting me.
Me: *blinks* Huh?
She: You are my voice.  You have been my voice many times over.  You have an essay being read the world over about one of my faces.  You do not question me.  You do not question the 'silly' ideas you get.  You do not fear the reaction people may have to the 'silly' ideas.  No matter the consequence, you accept whatever task is put in front of you.  
Me:  Are there truly those who doubt?  To what end?
She: The end does not matter.  What you need to see is that beating yourself up and second guessing yourself is where your ego functions.  You can not control anything.  You can not shepherd those who would try and put out your light.  You can only point this out to them, if they have an open heart.  If they reject what you show them, it is their cross to bear, not yours to silently martyr yourself upon.  That is your ego.  That is your cross.

So, Friends, while this conversation was obviously for myself, it must also be that it is for someone else out there in Internet Land.  I would like to add, this is my own unverifiable personal gnosis, so please, feel free to take it or leave it as you see fit.  It isn't up for debate or question.  It simply is (or isn't).

Brightest blessings, Friends!

Don't Be An Asshole: On Being Inconsiderate

Within the pagan community, there is this general acceptance that pagans are inconsiderate, whether it means always running late to events, saying one will do something and then not doing it, and even the expectation that titles or degrees afford one special privileges.  Why is that?  Why do we, as supposedly spiritually evolved beings (or maybe spiritually evolving), fall into these habits?  Why do we accept these habits in others?  Is it a cultural thing?  Is it laziness?  Is it, maybe, ego?

People often laugh when I tell them I live my life by the phrase, "Don't be an asshole."  Yes, it is meant to be humorous, but it is also a very serious phrase.  I have come to learn that "asshole" (as a descriptor of behavior) really can't be defined by a single word or action.  "Asshole" is a spectrum.  This spectrum ranges from habitual tardiness to being the person who always says the things other people are thinking and beyond.  It's certainly perspective based.  That said, what do many of these accepted behaviors mean, when we delve below the surface?  What do they mean spiritually?

For myself, things like "pagan standard time" epitomize asshole behavior.  If someone tells me to meet them at a certain place and at a certain time, I'm not going to lollygag around and show up 30 minutes late if I can help it.  If I get held up, I call or text them and let them know.  I'm not going to wait until the appointed time to decide to start getting dressed and then show up when I am ready.  I'm not going to decide five minutes before that I don't want to go and then just not bother to tell them.  That's rude!  That's inconsiderate.

In the South, this kind of behavior is seriously frowned upon.  The habitually late person finds him or herself no longer invited to things, or worse, told to be there a half hour before everyone is actually supposed to meet.  Where I come from, arriving 'on time' means arriving a few minutes early.  Even more, those who are known for their tardiness are often looked down upon because it is perceived that they do not value those around them. Craft speaking, this tardiness leads to being left out of ritual (or having to be cut in to Circle, which means one is singled out by his or her own actions), missing part of class that may or may not be gone over with you, and the occasional 'talk.'  While the phrase 'harm none' is thrown around a lot, people forget that being inconsiderate can cause harm.

Another 'asshole' thing I find people doing is changing their mind and not bothering to let everyone else in on the secret.  It is fine to change ones mind, but if this decision effects other people, they deserve to know that ones mind in changed.  Nothing is worse than struggling along wondering what is wrong and being told 'nothing', when it really only amounts to the other person having changed their mind.  It's just not cool to leave people hanging because you are uncomfortable with what their reaction might be.  I would also like to add that in this instance, it is also not cool to lie, whether or not it is to spare said person's feelings or not.  The truth is always better.

A third thing that I find to be squarely on the spectrum of 'asshole' within the pagan community is using ones titles or degrees to define what special privileges you should get.  Titles and degrees are bestowed upon us by another due to the amount of book and personal work we have done.  Yes, those things should be recognized, absolutely.  Those things do mean something, however, they don't mean that once we reach a particular place on our path that our arms and legs quit working.  They don't mean that it is okay to bark orders at people.  Those titles and degrees mean that we have come to a place where we have acknowledged and, more importantly, surrendered ourselves to our gods and to the service of them.  In a community dynamic, this also means we have surrendered ourselves to the service of our community.

I inherently give respect to those who are of higher degree than I am, simply because they have done the work necessary to achieve that degree.  In giving this measure of respect, I observe their words and deeds and see just what they expect from those who are below them within the ranks.  I do not turn myself into a slave to their every whim simply because they are, by degree, 'my elder'.  If we are working shoulder to shoulder in the trenches to do a job, I will do my best to make sure they take care of themselves while we get the work done.  Respecting my elders is making sure they don't have to work harder than me.  It isn't sitting them in a chair and treating them as though they are helpless.  Respecting my elders is anticipating that they need something, not because they demand it, but because I respect them enough to want to anticipate it.

I have worked diligently, shoulder to shoulder, with both initiates and non-initiates in spiritual matters.  Titles aside, we come together to do the work of the gods.  In the eyes of the gods, we are all children.  That makes us equals.  We all have more to learn.  We all have more to do.  We all have something to contribute.  Some people are leaders.  Some people follow.  The key is remembering that no matter what, our thoughts, words, and deeds create ripples in the pond.  Are we inspiring others or are we being assholes?