Toxic Positivity Culture- Redux

I wrote this blog originally in 2018. It has been on my mind a lot lately, so I thought I would expand on it some.

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I see a lot of posts on social media where a person is having a bad day and they apologize for being in a bad mood. I see these posts where people have a chronic illness and apologize for having a bad day. What do they have to apologize for? From where I sit, nothing. In today's world, there is this idea that one must be positive no matter what. There is this idea that one must smile through the tears or joyfully endure the illness, abuse, or other bad thing happening. Why? Is it to show how strong one is? Is it to show how much one can take before breaking? Is it simply this weird positivity culture that we live in? The idea that there is so much bad in the world, so each individual must be the good?

Why would anyone apologize for their righteous anger? You are allowed to be angry at the state of the world. YOu are allowed to be angry at the state of your mental health. You are allowed to be exhausted by the negativity that you see and experience in this time and place. You are allowed to be all of these things unapologetically. Do you drink to cope? Smoke week? Exercise too much or too little? That's okay, too. Everyone has to cope and sometimes we choose to cope in ways that we know aren't the best for us.

The idea that bad things only happen to "vibrationally low" people is also an insane notion, and while we are discussing that, we'll as the idea that all negativity "lowers vibration." This type of gaslighting permeates open-minded society. Again, why?

This meme in an exceptionally good example of pseudospiritual gaslighting. I do believe that people project their own issues onto others; I do not believe that one should carry the burden of others issues because they believe that person is a mirror of something deep down that needs acceptance.

You are not a mirror for your narcissist, rapist, child molestor, or abuser. Those people abusing you is about them projecting their will or deviancy upon you in a harmful and debilitating way. There is nothing for you to mirror.

The idea that we are mirrors is probably one of the reasons every new pagan is somehow an empath. First, anyone can think they are an empath if they are taking on the burden of  'fixing' their abusers. Second, toxic positivity teaches us that we must somehow fight the negative in the world. It teaches us that it is our job to fight the bad vibrations, lift up the people who appear to need it. It teaches us to embrace our shadow but only in a 'good' way. Shadow work is dark, messy, and only comes to the good once we master it. Then, we get to go deeper and deeper. It is a never-ending process.

Another part of toxic positivity culture is when we walk into gatherings and someone says, "HAPPY MONDAY!" (Or whatever day of the week.) Why is it happy? What if my grandmother just died and I'm only just barely holding it together? Is this a declaratrion that I need to act happy? Is this some kind of affirmation? What if I am at a job that I hate and I know the person is fake as fuck? Is this a challenge or are they faking it? Whatever the answer to the questions, the idea that one must always be joyous in all things is ridiculous.

Now, before I get ripped I would like to point out that, yes, affirmations work. Yes, cognitive behavioral therapy works. These are not the things I'm referring to. I'm referring, specifically, to the damage we do to ourselves within toxic positivity culture. The idea that one must apologize for feeling something other than positive. Apologies that begin, "I'm sorry, and I always try to stay positive, but..." But nothing! You are allowed to feel this emotion. You are allowed to spend time with it. You are allowed to release it.

Apologizing for feeling an emotion can do more damage. You wouldn't allow someone to tell you to be positive if you were diabetic and were having high sugars, would you? No. In the same way, you wouldn't let them tell you all of the things you should be doing to get those sugars down because you already know. Why would you allow someone to dismiss your feelings in the same way? Why would you want someone to insist that you pretend to be happy so you can 'fake it until you make it'? You wouldn't. None of us do.

Be aware of your thoughts. Listen to your body. Do not use your feeling down to lash out or blame other people. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotion you feel. There's no reason to beat yourself up. Find something that comforts you when you feel this way, music, poetry, art, a nice tea. Allow yourself to enjoy this thing and repeat an affirmation. With some training, your thoughts on not being 'allowed' to feel that way change. They change to a type of self-comfort.

I write these things because positivity can change the brain. This is known. However, the idea that just saying vaguely positive things changes the brain, especially if they are backward compliments, defeats the idea. Not believing the words also defeats the purpose. We have to stop gaslighting ourselves into being positive. If there is a health issue, we must address it. If there is an emotional issue, we must address it. Not addressing these things from all sides, spiritual, physical, and emotional, leaves us only partly healed.

Listen to the words to speak to yourself. Are you healing or are you sorry you feel bad? Are you doing the best you can or are you a failure? If you wouldn't let your most hated enemy say these words to you, then why do you say them to yourself? Don't let someone else's idea of positivity be your yardstick. Don't let someone's fake positivity make you feel like you are somehow damaged or broken in some way.

Blessed be,
River

Letters Not Sent- When You Can't See the Forest

I'm beginning the new decade by writing this letter. It has been some months in coming. You see, when people have secrets, they do not love it when one tells them. Even more, they do not love it when one tells those secrets to people who are actually listening. These people send in those who would do anything for them, including making excuses for the abuses they mete out within the community.

I begin this letter by saying that I am a great many things in this world, but a liar is not one of them. I have been called such, behind my back of course. Then, those who have never found a reason to distrust me rarely have anything to hide.

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My Dearest Little One,

Yes, I'll be referring to you as such, Little One. It is the most appropriate descriptor of your mental and emotional space. You see, your "savior" thought your mental and emotional abuse by your mother was something to be exploited. Behind your back, she openly laughed at your immaturity and how you are at nearly 30, still a 15-year-old child. Your savior openly laughed at your alcoholism and called you an alcoholic more than once. Behind your back, of course. You were rarely included in our Friday (and sometimes, Wednesday) night hangouts at the covenstead because, according to your beloved savior, nobody in the coven could stand you. You don't even know how much you missed out on because no one would tell you. It was a relief for them that you weren't there. I was summoned to the covenstead damn near every week for something. Did you know that? Sometimes it was a chat. Sometimes it was to gossip about that church just down the road. That coven drinks. A lot. Other times it was just to hang out, but there was always an ulterior motive.

Lots of times, it was because you had some drama in your life that week and nobody gave a shit, so they called me in to get some kind of perspective. I was the new person, so I had some empathy left for a struggling young woman just looking to find her place in this world. I can't tell you how many times I was summoned to class early or called over on Friday night to discuss your life, Little One. I had to listen to your savior openly laugh at your misunderstanding of BDSM. She admitted to me that she didn't even bother to correct you because she knew it wouldn't do any good.

Little One, even your elevation was my idea. (Or did the rug get pulled out from under you at the last second?) I was so exhausted with the two-faced bullshit in the coven by the time I left, one of the last conversations I had with your savior was about being bored with her just taking us in circles. Remember that discussion you and I had? What I didn't tell you was that I also asked her, point-blank, why you hadn't been elevated yet. After 10 years, she should have made the effort to push you down the road you had been begging to take. She came up with multiple excuses, of course. You don't finish what you start. Your mental health. You needed a priest. You know, I looked at her and said something to the effect of, "Until you let her start down that path, she is never going to leave. She will either find out how difficult it is and quit or she will keep going and you will have to elevate her. If she is such a pain in the ass and nobody likes her in the group, why are you holding her back, anyway? Push her out, hive her off and be done. Problem solved."

Not a month later, you were staring down 2 years until elevation and your own group, Little One. Barring, of course, that you could navigate her power trips. You always missed the power trips. She knew that, due to your abuse, you would put up with anything if it was said nicely and with enough 'empathy.' She knew that as long as she approached you will logic instead of screaming and throwing things, then she would be just fine. She also knew that she wouldn't even have to put that much effort into you and she laughed about it. She laughed at how easy you were to manipulate because you didn't know what true kindness was.

She bragged about how easy it was to keep you in line. She bragged about how she knew you needed more therapy but couldn't or wouldn't convince you to keep going. (I suspect she wouldn't because that would mean that eventually you would have the tools in your toolbox to know what she was doing to you and she didn't want to lose her power over you.) Everyone but you and your beloved knew how much she manipulated you.

They all knew you were simply begging for motherly approval and that even her half-approval would be enough for you. She knew that she could get you to do anything she wanted if she told you that you did a good job, but her favorite thing to do to you was 'critique' your writing, rituals, and anything you presented her. She was exceptionally mean to you and would plan a lot of that stuff out and rehearse it with the others. I wouldn't participate in that foolishness. That's meanness and you didn't deserve it. (Oh, yes, we had discussions about your ritual writing, too, and how she thought it was garbage. She bragged about how much fun they had ripping it apart and then going back over it and ripping apart the stuff that they thought was okay. They even made a point to make sure and leave a few of the original bits so you wouldn't be quite so upset.) I was all an elaborate put on that they took pleasure in. They knew that you would take the 'help' with a straight face and be upset because you couldn't understand what you had done wrong.

How many times did she look at you and say, "Well, you're wrong," and couldn't tell you how or why you were wrong. Did you know she used to do that to me, as well? Oh, she tried it exactly 3 times. The first time she did it, I asked, "How?" She stumbled. She stuttered. She couldn't tell me how I was wrong. She changed the subject. The second time, I asked her, "Why?" Again, she stuttered and she stumbled. She changed the subject. The third time, I pressed her. "How? Why? Which part?" She only responded with, "Well, you're wrong," and she did that thing where she flares her nostrils indignantly and acts like it is supposed to be some kind of power move. I asked again, "Which part is wrong? If I am wrong about something, I want to be corrected. I'm not beyond being taught." She was angry at being questioned. "You're just wrong and you won't understand why," she responded. To that, I laughed. (Because we all know that I don't have any sense and will absolutely laugh at someone trying to manipulate me.) I laughed at her to her face and said, "I'm wrong because you say so? We both know that you'll have to do better than that! Again, if I'm actually wrong, I'm open to being educated as to why not 'because I say so'."

You understand, Little One, that that is a form of gaslighting, right? Relying on your manipulator as your only source of 'reliable' information and being told you're wrong without explanation or education is how she kept you all in line. She also quite enjoyed letting you all come to your own conclusions about myths (remember the PowerPoint by your raptor friend?) and then make utter fools of yourselves when you put in all of that time and energy and missed the whole point you were trying to make. That was another conversation she and I had privately. She thought that shit was hysterical. I was summoned to the covenstead after that class and listened to the 2nds and 3rds howling about how ridiculous and just plain wrong it was. It was just another manipulation. When I asked why he wasn't corrected or guided in the appropriate direction, everybody laughed. She shrugged her shoulders and changed the subject.

Now, I suspect (though it was never actually spoken) that she 'saved' you from those others 'using you up', so that she could convince you that you owe her something, maybe a life debt or something foolish like that, for when her own life starts to wane. (As it has been for a while now.) Has she asked you to open any gates or use any of those mysterious keys the two of you were always going on about? If she hasn't yet, don't worry, she will and she will do it in such a way that she will make you think it is your idea or some kind of duty. It isn't. Remember that. No one can lay claim to your energies or talents and no one can tell you that you owe them. This isn't some fantasy novel where you are some kind of hero.

Mostly, I write this letter to you because I don't want you to turn into her. You need to know that she isn't a nice person. She isn't a good person. What you see behind closed doors is the real her and she thinks you are a stupid little girl. If a person has to cultivate a professional demeanor to interact with people outside of their own coven, then that person is a liar and a con. If a person has to be someone else to be heard, then they have their own issues that need to be addressed by a mental health professional. More than all of that, if a person does all of this creating of a public personality and people still don't believe it, then the world is not wrong. You are.

Little One, it is a very rare instance that you are wrong about something. You have a keen mind. Yet, you allow her to do the same thing to you that those who would have used you up did. You allow her to use you up in a different way. You allow her to hold you back in a way that keeps you from seeing the forest for the trees.

While I don't respect that, I do have some modicum of respect for you as a young woman just looking to find her way in this world. I hope you have gotten away from her and I hope that you can someday see her for who she is, not who she wants you to see her as.

Just because you don't see her abuse for what it is doesn't mean that she isn't an A+ abuser.

May the blinders fall off in this new decade and may you find your way,
River

Lest We Forget: On the Sabbats and Celebrations

And for two and a half thousand years, the ring passed out of all knowledge.” ― Galadriel

Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring, JRR Tolkien

I was reading on social media the other day a rant about the Sabbats by a very upset pagan. In essence, the post was about this person's home state trying to change the observance of Halloween from October 31 to the last Saturday in October. This person was upset for a couple of reasons. First, they believe that October 31 is Samhain. Second, they believe that the state was trying to legislate away their 'most sacred of holidays.'

Regarding actual dates versus observed dates, we do this with more than one bank holiday already in the United States. Columbus Day springs to mind. The actual date for Columbus Day is October 12, however, it is observed on the second Monday of October. This is what that particular state wants to do, set an observed date versus observing the tradition on the actual date in regards to Halloween to make sure that everyone can enjoy the festivities.

That said, Halloween and Samhain are not the same dates. While Halloween certainly has many of the same observances, Samhain marks the end of summer. Much like the summer solstice, Samhain is not on the same date every year. October 31 became the observed date for this celebration in addition to the secular holiday of Halloween. (Since there are plenty of sources and documentaries on Halloween and its origins, I will not go into specifics in this writing.)

The Sabbats are our solar holidays, used to mark the passage of time in the life of the Sun God. These dates are astrological. If you know anything about the heavens, then you know that everything is fluid, bendable, and everchanging. We have come to accept the observed dates as our sabbats and, it appears, that the knowledge of when those actual dates are, is beginning to fall out of common knowledge. Before we dig into what the actual dates are, let's look at how we came upon having the observed dates that we do have.

The practice of conversion can be seen throughout all of Europe once touched by the Roman Empire, even before its conversion to Christianity. It can still be seen most obviously in the assimilation of Classical mythology where the Greek and Roman mythological deities became almost interchangeable in their tales, despite their glaring differences.

As with so much within our practices, our observed dates go back to the spread of the Catholic Church. It is well known that as the Church spread through Europe that churches were built on pagan holy sites to assimilate the masses. In that era, church leaders and their missionaries were the educated ones, for the most part. It did not take a lot of observing to know when the big feast days were among the peasants and where they would congregate to celebrate. Again, in an effort convert the heathens, the Church took up the holidays of the locals.

Can you imagine, as an uneducated local person, these strangers coming in, building a building over your most sacred sites and then using your own observances to convert you? This is, basically, what happened and how these observances were preserved. Even now, except for only a few dates, our own pagan calendar mirrors the Catholic one very closely. Many of our observances are also mirrored. Notice the dates below:

• Candlemas February 2
• Easter Sunday Late March/April
• Feast of Saint Joseph, May 1
• Corpus Christi June 20
• Lammas August 1
• Michaelmas September 29
• All Saint's Day November 1
• Christmas December 25

These dates were picked to be the observed dates. Again, if we notice the mirror between their festivities and ours, you will notice that some of our observances are mirrored in practice. At Candlemas, the Church blesses all of their candles for the year. At Imbolc, the days are noticeably longer from the solstice, and we welcome back the growing sun by with a fire celebration usually centered around candles.

Lammas is, literally, Loaf Mass. The first grains are harvested and baked into bread. Lughnasadh is based on the funeral feast Lugh of the Long Arm had in honor of his foster mother Tailtiu. This feast was thrown in Tailtu's honor after she died clearing the plains of Ireland for agriculture. I believe we all probably know that Christmas and Yule also quite closely mirror each other in tradition, even though Jesus was likely born in the spring.

Our own holidays fall based on the sun and zodiac because these were planting and harvest holidays for an agrarian society.

• Imbolc- Sun goes 15° Aquarius
• Ostara- Sun enters Aries
• Beltane- Sun goes 15° Taurus
• Litha- Sun enters Cancer
• Lughnasadh- Sun goes 15° Leo
• Mabon- Sun enters Libra
• Samhain- Sun goes 15° Scorpio
• Yule- Sun enters Capricorn

These dates are in no way static. It is one reason why there are standing stones all over Europe. Think about the most famous of the European henges, Stonehenge. It is well known that it marks the winter solstice. In Ireland, the Baltray standing stones mark the same date, and in Scotland, the Maeshowe stones do, as well. Therefore, we know that our ancestors had the means to mark the solstices and equinoxes. It stands to reason that they very likely marked the cross-quarter days as well, even if we can not read them in the henges today. In that way, our ancestors knew when to start planning their big feasts and rituals.

While we all practice in the manner that we see fit these days, it never hurts to make sure that one knows the origins of the days celebrated. Knowing the traditions gives us the information we need to celebrate accurately but to also celebrate as we so choose. In the era of fake news, it is up to us to keep the records as accurately and thoroughly as possible, even if our observances do not reflect the entirety of that knowledge.

Blessings,
River

Letters Not Sent: The Long Goodbye

It's been a while since I have done one of these. I have come to understand that when someone is on my mind, it's probably because I am on theirs. It's never an accident.

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It's been months since our last contact and I gave you nothing. I saw you in public that day, fawning over all of these people from your past. It's nice to think about all of the forgiveness you were given. It's nice to think about all of the forgiveness you begged from these people who only have to see you for show, right?  I was different, though. Wasn't I? You begged for my good will. You begged for my forgiveness. Why didn't I joyfully give you what you so desperately desire? The short answer is because your whims and desires no longer affect me.

The long answer is that I don't owe you forgiveness despite your demand for it. I do not owe you forgiveness for acting in such a manner as I told you that you would act. I warned you that your actions have consequences and that once people you were mad at were out of the way, then you would find some inane reason to be mad at me. I warned you against the childish stomping of your feet and angry fists on hips demands that you made. I warned you that would keep being your response until you alienated everyone in your life. I warned you that pettiness would be your cloak for some time to come. I warned you that your lack of self-respect and addiction would ultimately be your undoing. I warned you that your need to control everything and everyone around you would come at a cost.

Well, that cost is a lack of respect and trust. You want so badly to be trusted, but you aren't trustworthy. You want so badly for people to see the person you wish you were instead of the person that you are. You can't seem to understand that when you open your mouth, your whims and desires spew forth veiled in frustration and vanity, trying to lead people to believe that you know more and are more than you actually are. Your words gush forth in a waterfall of victimhood. You don't understand how your words and actions affect other people and you don't want to know. You expect them to give you forgiveness because you do not believe that you have done anything wrong and that they are unreasonable. You expect others to simply allow you to create havoc wherever you go and to simply allow it to happen because you refuse to open your eyes to your own destructive behaviors. 

The truth is, though, I kind of miss you. Yes, you were an addict. Yes, you were demanding. Yes, you were blind to all of the people you hurt because of your selfishness. All that said, you lived pretty authentically, despite the fact that you thought you were a good person. You wanted to be a good person as long as that meant you could have what you wanted without acknowledging who you hurt in the process.

Even now, your apologies consist of 'I was addicted and out of control' and 'I was such a slave to my substance of choice that I didn't know what I was doing'. We both know that isn't true. Your substance of choice simply gave you an excuse to say and do whatever you wanted. Now, you do what you want without that excuse and people still dislike you. Just like when you were an addict, they tolerate you because you can be useful. You make them money. You take up space when they need quiet time. You are their place holder when they have better things to do.

Love, you are still the same person. You are simply more in control.  You still act within the very nature that made you an addict. It still makes you angry that I do not acknowledge your 'sorrow' and your 'regret'. Your program has done a great many wonders in your life. It has saved you from plenty of messy situations. What it hasn't done is saved you from yourself. Oh yes, I still hear from people about you. I hear that you haven't changed. These people don't know that I know you until after they tell me about the way you treat them. These people don't know that 'sober' you is just like 'addicted' you, but less fun and creative.

I want you to know that I never hated you. I still don't. I don't even dislike you, honestly. I'm not angry at what happened between us. I never have been. I was angry at your pettiness (and you know what I'm talking about. Twice!) but I never expected anything less, addicted or sober. You should also know that twice your pettiness didn't work and I suspect, even backfired on you, because we both know that I have a will of iron and you do not.

I want you to understand that, of all the people you know, I am the one who saw you clearly. I am the one who saw your you-ness and despite it wanted to be your friend. You need to understand that I did not accept your weird 12 step program bid for forgiveness because, despite what was between us, that forgiveness is not for me to grant. I have never held any ill will toward you for being who you are. Asking me to forgive you for who you are is not something I can do. You must find that place within yourself that acknowledges you aren't the person you want people to think you are and you must make peace with that. I always saw it and I was always okay with it. It was that person I warned you about knowing that you wouldn't listen.

One day, I hope to discover you have seen this and read it. I hope you understand it is not a judgment against your person. I have no doubt that you will one day do great things and get the recognition you deserve for being who you are. I hope life treats you more kindly than you treat most people. I hope that you find more people who see you clearly in times to come.

Blessings,
River

On Karma

There is this idea about karma that has crept up in the last half a decade or so in the pagan community. The idea is that karma is some kind of sentient being that preys on people, no matter their actions, simply because of a series of unfortunate events. Karma does not work like that. Our actions (or inaction) does incur karmic debt, but first, let's take a look at how karma works.

At its most simple, karma is cause and effect. If one does "a", then "b" is the consequence. Spiritually speaking, we see people every day who do sketchy things and don't seem to ever get caught. There's a reason for this, a couple, actually. First, as people, we want to trust that everyone is going to do the right thing. Everyone is not. Second, those people who are not willing to do the right thing always seek out the first group.

When that happens, those sketchy people manipulate those around them into getting what they want and by making each person feel a little paranoid and foolish, so as to not alert anyone else. This behavior can go on for years, literally. This behavior can also rack up a lot of karmic debt. If karma is cause and effect, then sometimes it takes a lot of cause to finally create the effect. The above is a prime example.

Years of half-truths and a pattern of people coming and going in their lives is a big indicator. Eventually, a person comes along who notices the pattern. It is always the same: small inconveniences or needs that suddenly lead to larger tragedies, which always lead to "life-changing emergencies" that, months later, were just really some kind of terrible scare and everything is actually fine. Rinse and repeat.

Well, that pattern happens over and over again until someone notices it. Usually, I am that person. (Go figure, right?) When I was a wee baby witch, I despised being that person. Nobody wants to be the one to ring the warning bell. Nobody wants to be the one to point out all of the little inconsistencies. No one wants to be the one rocking the boat. That boat rocking usually turns into some pretty negative stuff, but eventually, those karmic scales come into balance. Often times, that rebalancing is subtle. Publically, no one 'believes' you, but they all start backing away and privately, some will even support you.

Then, there are those times when the karmic scales tip completely over and everything spills out onto the ground in the most glorious manner. It is a good feeling to watch this happen, honestly. No, I never enjoy the bad fortune of another, however, sometimes the 'karmic whip' leaves one quite battered.

We, as witches, are the instruments of karma. (Whether or not we want to be.) Modern practices would lead us to believe that the Wiccan Rede and the Three-Fold Law prohibit us from being those karmic instruments, but I would have to disagree. Here's why:

The Rede does not prohibit us from protecting ourselves and others from harm.

The idea of doing no harm does not make us pacifists. The idea that we can not and should not expose those who would harm others, in effect, clips our wings. Our grandmothers knew their power and non-witches were afraid of it. 

The Three-Fold Law does not prevent us from doing the right thing because 'karma'.

It clearly states, 'three times bad and three times good'. Blowing the whistle on the bad stuff, if you are sure and have proof, is good, even if it doesn't, necessarily, feel like it at the time. 

The above stated, if you don't follow those two tenets, then you know you are an instrument of karma and you understand why.

Karma isn't some kind of punishment or some kind of sentient creature following you around waiting for you to make a mistake. Karma is more like a cumulative aspect of cause and effect. One dishonest act may not be noticed and, indeed, it may embolden you to do another, but eventually, the dishonesty catches up and the scales balance out. Sometimes it is a minor inconvenience. Other times it is a major ordeal.

In the end. do not be afraid to do the right thing, no matter the apparent cost. You could be saving someone else a headache and a world of hurt.

Blessings,

River

Witchcraft on a Budget

Imagine this:  You’re tooling around online and you see a really cool spell meme that includes a list of ingredients. Those ingredients include some kind of special Peruvian salt, 13 perfect jasmine flowers, a single rose quartz, and a Lemurian crystal. Some of those things you have never heard of and the other things you don’t have the money to buy. Do you wait to perform the spell when you have access to those things? Do you never do the spell? Do you substitute?

The reality most of us live is one of frugality, much like our witch grandmothers. We are conditioned through advertising that we should have a whole different set of tools for Craft than for living. This is a load of bull shit in most cases. For those of us practicing low magic, the tools do not matter as much as they do for those practicing high magic. People wanting us to buy expensive and unnecessary things want us to believe that it matters.

Things like salt. It is not ‘more spiritual’ to use pink salt or some rare and expensive imported salt. Cheap iodized (or not!) table salt will do. I tend to use my specialty salts and salt mixes in my kitchen craft. Again, this isn’t because it’s ‘more spiritual’. It’s just because that’s what I cook with. If I am using salt to smudge and throwing it on the floor before I vacuum, I am definitely using cheap table salt. It gathers dust and negativity as good or better than large rock salt.

Things like pepper. There is no need to buy special peppercorns for magic. Coarse ground store brand pepper is just as good magically as it is in your smashed potatoes. The same goes for cayenne.

You can also use cinnamon or cinnamon bark, Italian seasoning (which I will get to later), garlic salt or garlic powder, turmeric, and pumpkin pie or apple pie spice straight from your kitchen cupboard. Olive oil, vinegar, and cornstarch also need not be bought separately.

Which brings me to something that will give most people an “Aha! Moment”. Italian seasoning, cajun seasoning, poultry seasoning, all of these mixtures are things that my mother and grandmother always had on hand. (My grandmother also kept bricks of chewing tobacco for poultices.)

Italian seasoning is a mixture of basil, thyme, rosemary, marjoram, and oregano. A basic Cajun seasoning is a mixture of garlic, onion, black pepper, and cayenne. As well, poultry seasoning is sage, thyme, nutmeg, black pepper, rosemary, and marjoram. So, what do each of those mixes do magically?  Let’s see:

Italian Seasoning:

Basil: Protection, cleansing, love, luck, fidelity, wealth

Thyme: Wealth, good fortune, purification, love, courage, sleep

Rosemary: Protection, purification, love, clarity, lust, healing, cleansing

Marjoram: Love money, happiness, protection, health

Oregano: Protection, happiness, luck, marriage, prophetic dreams

Just opening up your spaghetti seasoning, you could use it to anoint a candle for wealth, fortune, love, health, and protection.

Cajun Seasoning:

Garlic: Protection, healing, favorable weather, courage or exorcism

Onion: Protection, purification, exorcism, and healing

Black Pepper: Banishing, exorcism, and protection from evil

Cayenne: Repelling negativity, cleansing, and purification

So, a sprinkling of that generic cajun seasoning on my doorstep is excellent at giving protection and banishing bad juju? Looks like it.

Poultry Seasoning

Sage: Wisdom, immortality, protection and to alleviate sorrow

Nutmeg: Health, money, fidelity, love, luck, and clairvoyance

(I didn’t see the need to relist the other herbs already listed.) So, from the looks of it, generic poultry seasoning can be used for health and protection as well.

I use these three mixes because most people who cook have them in their kitchen and they are easily attainable and relatively cheap.  They can be bought from a large chain store for less than $1. You know, the one with the blue sign and yellow star thingy in its logo.

It should be noted that you can also use these in your recipes with the same effects.  Another thing witches on a budget can do is take their used eggshells and crush them and make cascarilla powder with them. There’s no need to buy it if you use it.

Candles, which seem to be a big deal on a budget, can be bought at the Dollar Tree (or a similar store). Some of my favorites to use, if I need a longer burning candle, are white emergency candles that are 6/$1. White candles substitute for every color. Also, if you need black candles, the best time to get those are at Halloween. The ones they sell at that time are, typically, solid black, where many of the cheaper black candles you get year around have a white core. (If the white core doesn’t bother you, then you don’t need to worry about it. It bothers me, but I’m a weirdo.) If you are more into quick candle magic or spells, birthday candles are the best thing ever.

As well, places like the Dollar Tree sell smooth river rocks by the bag. Those can be used to create earth elemental altars or they can be used to create divination sets, like runes.

Witching on a budget is much easier than expected. A fire pit can substitute a cauldron for fire magic. A crock pot can substitute a cauldron for kitchen craft. A coffee grinder can be a substitute for a mortar and pestle. The idea that we must have a whole other set of everything dedicated to Craft is unnecessary. It’s also more fun to work with what you have to see what you can do with it.

Toxic Positivity Culture

I see a lot of posts on social media where a person is having a bad day and they apologize for being in a bad mood. I see these posts where people have a chronic illness and apologize for having a bad day. What do they have to apologize for? From where I sit, nothing. In today's world, there is this idea that one must be positive no matter what. There is this idea that one must smile through the tears or joyfully endure the illness, abuse, or other bad thing happening. Why? Is it to show how strong one is? Is it to show how much one can take before breaking? Is it simply this weird positivity culture that we live in? The idea that there is so much bad in the world, so each individual must be the good?

The idea that bad things only happen to "vibrationally low" people is insane. As well as the idea that all negativity "lowers vibration." This type of gaslighting permeates open-minded society. Again, why?

Now, before I get ripped I would like to point out that, yes, affirmations work. Yes, cognitive behavioral therapy works. These are not the things I'm referring to. I'm referring, specifically, to the damage we do to ourselves within toxic positivity culture. The idea that one must apologize for feeling something other than positive. Apologies that begin, "I'm sorry, and I always try to stay positive, but..." But nothing! You are allowed to feel this emotion. You are allowed to spend time with it. You are allowed to release it.

Apologizing for feeling an emotion can do more damage. Would you allow someone, when you're feeling down, to say, "You should try being positive; it works for me." No, you wouldn't. I wouldn't, either, because that's a form of gaslighting.

Be aware of your thoughts. Listen to your body. Do not use your feeling down to lash out or blame other people. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotion you feel. There's no reason to beat yourself up. Find something that comforts you when you feel this way, music, poetry, art, a nice tea. Allow yourself to enjoy this thing and repeat an affirmation. With some training, your thoughts on not being 'allowed' to feel that way change. They change to a type of self-comfort.

I write these things because positivity can change the brain. This is known. However, the idea that just saying vaguely positive things changes the brain, especially if they are backward compliments, defeats the idea. Not believing the words also defeats the purpose. We have to stop gaslighting ourselves into being positive. If there is a health issue, we must address it. If there is an emotional issue, we must address it. Not addressing these things from all sides, spiritual, physical, and emotional, leaves us only partly healed.

Listen to the words to speak to yourself. Are you healing or are you sorry you feel bad? Are you doing the best you can or are you a failure? If you wouldn't let your most hated enemy say these words to you, then why do you say them to yourself? Don't let someone else's idea of positivity be your yardstick.

Blessed be,
River